


a father should be great

by inlovewithimpossibility



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Pre-S7 Flashforwards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22101229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: Two conversations, thirty years apart. A seven-year-old Felicity and a nine-year-old Mia. Both two scared girls wondering why their fathers are no longer with them. Both seeking the comfort of their mothers.
Relationships: Donna Smoak & Felicity Smoak, Felicity Smoak & Mia Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 34
Kudos: 96





	a father should be great

**Author's Note:**

> This idea sparked a few months ago when thinking about the similarities and differences between Mia and Felicity's childhood. I hope this has done what I wanted it to and it has the emotional impact. Please do let me know what you think in the comments, I'd love to hear it!

The wind whips through the neon coloured streets of Las Vegas and Felicity watches from the small window of their neighbour’s apartment. She watches the people go by, counting the number of red scarves she can see. It’s a game she likes to play, picking a different colour each time.

She spends plenty of time here, at their neighbour’s window. At seven years old, she knows little different, especially at times like this when her father’s away. Her mom always has to go to work and her dad’s not there to look after her, so Mrs Jenkins’ apartment is where she spends her time. The elderly woman does nothing but complain when Felicity works on her tech and she hid her dolls away after the first time she allowed Felicity to play with them.

Felicity herself didn’t really understand that one. Mrs Jenkins told her to play families and all moms and dads do is argue anyway, so what if she had them yelling at each other whilst their baby slept?

No, it seemed that watching people was the safest option and she doesn’t mind thinking about the different lives that each person she sees leads. She thinks some might be bankers or lawyers or maybe some work with computers like her dad. Maybe even some of them are waitresses like her mother. Nevertheless, Felicity doesn’t mind watching out the window, especially as it grows dark and the lights grow brighter against the dark sky.

“Felicity.”

The young girl frowns at the sound of her mother’s voice and she spins to see her stood there. Her thin jacket is pulled tightly around her but it’s her red-rimmed eyes that has Felicity concerned.

“Mom, I thought Dad was supposed to pick me up today.” The girl questions as she hops down from the windowsill. She knows she’s right. It’s so rare that her father gives her such a specific date of when he’ll be home so his promise of ‘eight weeks on Wednesday’ has been something she’s been holding onto for months. She’s been counting down the days and her counting is never wrong.

“Change of plans, sweetie. I am so, so sorry.” Her mother tells her and her voice waivers in the way that Felicity knows she has bad news.

Felicity also knows not to pry until prompted so she stays quiet as they bid their neighbour goodnight and head back across the hall to their own small apartment. The curtains are pulled around the small area of the main room that makes Felicity’s bedroom area but everything else looks as it normally does.

“Did Mrs Jenkins give you something to eat?” Her mother questions as she shuts the door behind Felicity and the little girl frowns at the way her sole pulls further away from the rest of her shoe as she takes them off. 

“Just some toast. I’m still kind of hungry. I want Dad’s cooking, when’s he going to be home?” Felicity questions, jumping up onto the couch and smiling at the way it makes the fluff push out of the hole in the cushion. She crawls over to it and stuffs it back inside with a giggle, shaking her head, thinking of the scientific laws that make such an action possible. She’ll have to ask her dad when he gets home whether she’s right.

“Baby, I… C’mere, sit down.” Her mother prompts, sitting down carefully in the spot Felicity just jumped into. Felicity frowns at the soft look on her face but she cuddles up to her offered side anyway, smiling at the soft stroke of her mother’s hand against her back. She wishes her mother was home more often, she loves the feeling of cuddling up to her.

“I thought we were getting food?” Felicity question, looking longingly over at the kitchen. She’d never complain but she certainly is hungry.

“We will in a minute, just sit please.” Her mother insists, her voice growing harder and Felicity frowns, sitting up to look at her mother.

“Mom, you’re scaring me.” Felicity tells her honestly as her heartbeat gets faster. She’s never seen her mother like this, so flustered and she even looks scared. What could be making her feel like this?

Donna takes a deep breath and she smiles softly, reaching out to cup Felicity’s cheek. The little girl nuzzles into it, revelling in the feeling and not anticipating how the next words out of her mother’s mouth will flip her entire world on its head.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, it’s just… your father, he’s not coming home.”

The words don’t register with Felicity in the way they perhaps should. She’s heard the same so many times that it only makes her frown. Another lost promise from him but surely her father will be back soon? Just because he’s not here today, doesn’t mean he won’t be, right?

“What do you mean he’s not coming home? He said he was going to cook tonight. Is he going on another business trip?” Felicity questions, tucking her feet up underneath her. Her father’s business trips happen a lot, Felicity reckons he must be very important at his job.

Her mother however just shakes her head and her eyes start to water as her fingers softly stroke against Felicity’s cheek. “No, Felicity, he’s not coming back ever. He’s gone, baby.”

Felicity frowns as her mother’s words sink in. How on earth could her words be true? Her father comes and goes constantly but he always comes back, he must be coming back… right? “No. You’re lying. He promised he’d help me with my computer at the weekend.” She tells her mother insistently, gesturing over to the half-made computer that sits on the dining table. Her mother’s gaze darkens as she looks over at it but softens again when she looks back over at Felicity.

“Baby, I am so sorry.”

“He goes away all the time! He’ll be back, Mom, just like last time, remember? He was gone for so long but then he came back and we all got cuddles and we all ate dinner together.” Felicity reminds her mother vehemently, rising onto her knees as she nudges her mother on the shoulder but all it gains her is a long sigh as her mother adjusts to cup Felicity’s face with both hands and direct their gazes to meet.

“Felicity. I spoke to him earlier today. He’s not coming back, it’s just you and me now.”

“No.” Felicity cries, standing from the couch and stumbling backwards. The backs of her knees hit the coffee table and she crumbles to the floor as the tears finally spill over. It’s as if it’s what she needed and the floodgates open, the sobs wracking through her small body like nothing she’s ever felt before. She can’t do anything to stop it, the thought of never seeing her father again or have him help her with her homework or her computer is a thought she wishes to everything she knows she didn’t have to think. Her father is everything to her and she began today with such hope that she’d end the day with him home again. She never could have imagined this.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Her mother’s soothing voice cuts through her daze and her soft hands lift her from the floor into her lap. Felicity sinks into the familiar comfort, nuzzling into her mother’s neck as she sniffles.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” She questions, her mind racing with reasons why. Maybe he was mad at her for dropping her drink on the floor last time he was home or maybe…

“Oh, sweetheart, no. You’re perfect because you’re you. I promise this has nothing to do with you.” Her mother interrupts once more, forcing Felicity’s gaze up to her own determined one. She shakes her head, smiling a soft smile as she gently strokes down Felicity’s face. Felicity, however, cannot stop her mind whirling as she thinks of the last time she saw her father and all the things she did wrong.

“Are you sure? Dad was pretty frustrated when I couldn’t figure out how to connect the internal fan to the processing unit last time and I…” She recalls, remembering the disappointed look on his face and the way he’d tutted. Perhaps she had sent him away, too angry at having a daughter who couldn’t figure out something so simple that he’d broken both her and her mother’s heart.

“Felicity, this is not your fault. Look at me, baby.” Her mother insists and Felicity takes a deep breath, wiping away her tears before she looks into the familiar bright blue eyes of her mother properly. The gentle reassurance she finds there calms her mind a little but she’s still not entirely convinced. “This is not your fault.”

“What do we do now, Mom?” Felicity questions after a long moment, looking around the small apartment. She may only be seven but Felicity’s not dumb, many of the arguments she has overheard between her parents have been about how little money they have and with her father gone, how can they go on?

Her mother smiles sadly, her own tears swimming in her eyes as she draws Felicity close to her chest, rubbing over her back. She speaks her next words into Felicity’s hair, her voice gentle but determined. “All we can do, baby girl. We go on together. You and me.”

“You and me,” Felicity repeats as she nuzzles further into her mother’s comforting embrace. She knows that everything has just changed and she can’t know how much right now but as her mother draws her close and kisses her gently on her hair, Felicity knows that she’s safe and for now, that’s all she needs.

* * *

A melancholy feeling settles over the cabin annually at this time of year. The months following Mia’s birthday pass quickly and, as the leaves start to change and the weather grows colder, it’s as if a sombre cloud settles above the house.

Felicity’s not entirely sure how she remembers the date so exactly. After ten years, she’s surprised she can remember something she’s never recorded. It’s not something she ever writes down, the thought of it being just too heart wrenching. However, every year she awakens on the day somehow just knowing that it’s the anniversary of the day her life changed forever.

Ten years today.

Ten years since everything shifted. Since she went from a wife and mother of two looking forward to their future as a family to essentially a widow.

She cannot believe that Mia is nine. Nine years old, Felicity can’t help but think she’s halfway to becoming an adult and possibly leaving her mother forever. Felicity doesn’t know how she will cope, to lose her last thread to Oliver, her baby, her everything. It’s worse than she thinks she could bear.

The sound of sniffling makes Felicity frown as she exits her office once she finishes work for the day. Mia should be working on her schoolwork, it’s still early in the day, but that’s certainly her daughter’s voice. Her brow furrows as she follows the sound to her and Oliver’s… _her_ bedroom and her heart stops at what she sees there.

Mia is sat on the bed, a very familiar-looking shoebox open in front of her. Its contents are scattered on the sheets and the small girl, who grows to look more like Felicity herself each day, traces her fingers tenderly over it all as tears pour down her face.

Felicity knows the contents of the shoebox well. She’s often found herself in a similar position to her daughter, the memories of her husband spread around her as she allows herself to drown in the past and escape the present when it gets too much. The box is filled with small tokens and photos, plane tickets and short notes left upon pillows and hung on mirrors. Its entirely personal, something she’s never shared, something that she didn’t even tell Oliver she was collating. A small part of her is angry to see Mia touching it, it’s been hers and only hers for so long, but then she realises that Mia is exactly what it’s all for and she deserves to know this story.

“Mia?”

The little girl jumps at her voice, her eyes widening and she scrambles to begin collecting up the small pieces. “I’m sorry! I…”

“You’re fine.” Felicity smiles, waving her down. Mia frowns, staying frozen as she watches Felicity round the bed and sit down next to her. “Now this doesn’t look like a book report.” She keeps her voice light and she smiles as she reaches out, her breath catching as she gently draws her finger over Oliver’s cheek in one of the pictures. Ten years and she still swears she can still feel the exact contours of his cheek and chin.

“Why did he go, Mom? I know you say it’s because he had to save the world but…” Mia sniffs and draws Felicity’s attention back.

“Oh my sweet girl, come here.” Felicity sighs sadly, reaching towards her daughter. The nine-year-old comes easily, curling up in her mother’s lap. She’s a little too big for it now but neither minds, her legs which seem to grow longer every day dangling off the bed.

Felicity knew this day was coming. Mia was never going to accept the simple story for the rest of her life. She’s honestly impressed they’ve made it this long with Mia’s general inquisitive nature but it still shakes her to know that she has to attempt to explain this to her daughter. She can’t say that she even fully understands it.

Still, she reaches for one of her favourite pictures in which Oliver holds Mia as a baby. He’s sat on the armchair in the living room and he’s staring down at their daughter in amazement. He often told Felicity how difficult it was for him to believe that he was really where he was during those blissful few moments. This picture captures that perfectly, his love evident on her face. 

“You see this? This is your father. He loves us all more than anything in the world. I promise you with all my heart that he would be here if there were any way he could be.” Felicity tells Mia determinedly, showing the child the picture. Mia frowns, reaching out with a shaky hand to hold it. It forces more tears out her eyes and that makes Felicity’s heart clench; she never wants to see Mia in pain. She watches as her face takes it in, softening for just a mere second before she thrusts the picture back towards Felicity with a shake of her head.

“But he left. Couldn’t he have just stayed? Been with us? Forgotten the rest of the world?” Mia questions, her face melting as a sob wracks through her body. Felicity takes a deep breath, shaking her head as she sweeps Mia closer. She’s had this conversation before on a much smaller scale with her other child and the pain of losing William wracks through her like a freight train once more.

“Oh baby, that’s not how being a hero works. Your father means a great deal to a great many people and besides, saving the universe meant saving _you._ And he would do that a million times over if he had to, no matter the consequences.” Felicity promises, pressing kisses into Mia’s hair as she rubs her hands over her daughter’s back.

“I don’t care if he means a great deal to other people. He’s my father and he should be with me!” Mia sobs, her hand clinging to the fabric of Felicity’s shirt and she sighs, nodding her head as she gently rocks her back and forth.

“I know, baby, I know. I never said it was fair.” She admits, her own tears spilling over. There’s nothing more she can say, Mia is right.

“It’s so stupid. He should be here, with us!” Mia continues and Felicity sighs, drawing back to cup her daughter’s face in her hands and direct her gaze up to her own. It’s that action that draws her back to a similar and yet completely different conversation with her own mother more than thirty years ago. That was a turning point in Felicity’s life and she hopes this will not be the same for Mia. She’s determined for her daughter to know that her father loves her in a way that Felicity never had.

She can’t stop her daughter being separated from her father but she can stop her from feeling the same heartache Felicity did for all of her childhood.

“He would be here, sweetheart, I promise he would be if there was any force in the universe that would allow it. He loves us both _so much,_ my little star, as deeply as I love you.” She promises, her voice breaking with the strength of her determination.

Mia sighs, her face turning towards another photo. It is one of just her parents, Oliver smiling at Felicity as she takes the photo. It’s one that’s given her great comfort in the past years, to remember just how he looked when he smiled at her with that loving look.

It doesn’t seem to give Mia the same comfort as her tears grow thicker as she places it back down and turning her head to look back at her mother. “How do you cope? You were so happy, Mom. Now you don’t have him.” She questions, shaking her head with a sniff.

Felicity smiles, shaking her head fondly as she reaches to tuck a long strand of Mia’s hair behind her ear. She’s so beautiful and Felicity still cannot believe that she’s such a perfect mix of both her and Oliver. “But I have you, my sweet girl, and you are every reminder that I need. I can remember him through you. You have his smile and your eyebrows crinkle in exactly the same way his used to when you’re mad.” That finally draws a smile from Mia and it brings one to Felicity’s face also as she recognises the lift at the side of her mouth. “And there, your sweet smile is just like his too.”

“It is?” Mia asks hopefully and Felicity nods as her smile grows, tracing her thumb across Mia’s cheekbone.

“It is.”

Mia sighs, looking back to the picture of her mother and her infant self. The smile drops from her face but she reaches out, her small fingers tracing the way her father holds her infant self with the most tender care. “I miss him. Is it possible to miss someone you never really knew?”

“I think it definitely is and I know he misses you just as fiercely.” Felicity promises, drawing Mia’s hair away from her face to softly kiss her forehead. “And Mia?”

“Mom?”

“You never have to be scared to talk to your father with me.” She tells her daughter with a smile and Mia’s eyebrows rise.

“Really?” She questions hopefully and Felicity frowns. Her astonishment scares her, she prays that Mia will never feel uncomfortable to discuss anything with her, especially her father. She wants Mia to know everything she can tell her, wants her to know exactly just how wonderful of a man her father is and just how much he loves them all.

Her connection to the conversation she had with her own mother reminds her of the words that kept her going for so very long. This conversation may be far less sombre and Felicity prays Mia will not suffer the same fate as she herself did but her mother’s words reign true nonetheless and she feels the need to share them as she presses another long, gentle kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “We go on together. You and me.”

“You and me.” Mia sighs, looking down at the pictures once more before she cuddles back up to her mother. Felicity smiles sadly, pulling her close as she revels of the feeling of her baby in her arms, knowing that it’s a precious feeling she won’t have forever.


End file.
